Voldemort's Evil Waffles Of Doom
by Verie
Summary: Rated PG-13 for psychoticness. This could probably be considered a badfic, it'd be very interesting to MST at least. It's got everything, waffles, flying purple cats that only speak backwards-Italian... a rave, and someone marries a toaster.


Verie: this is a little challenge fic I made for myself... out of boredom one day, it turned out rather... strangely. I thought it was funny... so here's the criteria I had to meet, and then the fic:   
  


~someone must yell "Flying pink elephants on CRACK!" at least 3 times.   
~Remus, Ginny and Snape must be in it   
~must be random   
~someone must fall in love with an inanimate object   
~someone must yell "HINKYPUNK" at least 5 times.   
~must not include McGonagall and Fluffy taking over the world   
~the teachers must attend a rave   
~Hermione must rip up her homework, but with a reason   
~Voldemort must get on a sugar high   
~waffles must play a key part   
~must feature a purple cat that flies by eating butterflies, which only speaks in backwards Italian and is named "Sir Fluzzledegook the two-thousand-twenty-third-and-one-tenth"   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Voldemort's Evil Waffles Of Doom   
  


One day Snape was giving Ginny a detention, but for a good reason, because she was breathing too loudly and distracting him, even though he was locked in his office at the time and Ginny was sleeping in her dorm. But then Remus came in and started yelling at Snape for being evil and stupid, so Snape ripped up the detention and got mad and went to tell Dumbledore.   
Harry was in the common room doing his divination homework. "Flying pink elephants on CRACK!" Ron yelled. "Wha-?!" Harry exclaimed. "That's it! flying pink elephants on CRACK! THAT'S WHAT I SEE IN THIS TEA CUP!!! WOOO!!!" Ron cried, writing that down. Harry blinked and looked at his tea cup again. "HINKYPUNK!" He exclaimed suddenly. "Huh?" Hermione asked. "HINKYPUNK! That's what mine has!" Harry exclaimed, writing that down. Hermione rolled her eyes and went back to her potions homework, when Voldemort on a sugar high ran in! "VWEEHEEHEE!! HINKYPUNK!" He yelled. "What?" Harry exclaimed. "AH! IT'S YOU-KNOW-WHO!" Ron screamed, jumping out the window. "HINKYPUNK! I'm gonna be a hinkypunk when I grow up, mommy!" Voldemort exclaimed. "... Right." Harry muttered, going back to his divination homework. "Aren't you going to run and scream and cower?" Voldemort asked, obviously hurt. "Nah.. .we've beaten you up too many times." Hermione said, not looking up from her homework. "FINE!" Voldemort exclaimed, stomping out of the common room.   
EVIL COCONUTS!   
Meanwhile McGonagall was getting ready for a muggle rave she was going to attend with the other teachers, because they felt like it and were incredibly bored. Just then, a purple cat flew in, but flew into the wall because he had run out of butterflies. He then caught one, ate it, and started flying again. "The heck?!" McGonagall exclaimed. "Oi Sir Fluzzledegook The Two-Thousand-Twenty-Third-And-One-Tenth, amaf em Fluzz!" The cat exclaimed. McGonagall blinked and stared at this psychotic thing, which obviously could only speak backwards Italian and could only fly by eating butterflies. PIZZA! So, she kicked it out the window.   
So it flew out the window, and hit Snape in the head! "Oi Sir Fluzzledegook The Two-Thousand-Twenty-Third-And-One-Tenth, amaf em Fluzz!" The cat exclaimed. Well, Snape ironically was quite fluent in backwards-Italian, and replied "Rep aisetroc! Oi Severus Snape, nu erosseforp la Hogwarts." Well, the cat was amazed to hear this, and died of shock. Snape sighed, and walked on because obviously the cat (who had said "I Sir Fluzzledegook The Two-Thousand-Twenty-Third-And-One-Tenth, call me Fluzz!") wouldn't be replying anymore. "HINKYPUNK!" He yelled angrily, causing Remus to stare at him, and make a mental note to send him to St. Mungo's sometime. Then they both remembered the rave they were going to be attending, and ran off to get ready.   
McGonagall, meanwhile, was done getting ready. It took her five hours, but she finally looked EXACTLY the same as she did before. And so she walked off to meet the other teachers.   
KIWI!   
So, after hours of getting ready (or in Remus and Snape's case, seconds) all the teachers met in the Great Hall, then proceded to the rave, which happened to be happening at the Malfoy Manner! TUFT!   
So they got there, and they found out it was amazing! These little shiny people gave them these magical pills that made them all hyper, though they didn't taste good. So soon McGonagall was waving her wand and screaming "LUMOS!" while a mob of people carried her around, and Remus, apparently having reacted badly to the pills, turned into a werewolf and started biting people. Snape however was throwing random liquids at people and then laughing when they started yelling at him.   
BLIZZAGA!   
Just then, Voldemort appeared! "AH! IT'S YOU-KNOW-WHO!" Dumbledore exclaimed stupidly. "Who?" All the muggle ravers asked. "MWAHAHAHA!!! FEAR ME!!! I SHALL BRING TERROR INTO YOUR SOULS!" This, however, was completely natural so all the muggles went back to raving. Voldemort looked hurt. "Yeah well... I'VE ENCHANTED SOME WAFFLES, MAKING THEM EVIL AND I HAVE NOW TURNED THEM INTO MY ARMY OF EVIL!" He cackled evilly. "NOT THE WAFFLES!" Snape cried. "I predict waffles will join up with a mysterious foe and defeat the world." Trelawney said stupidly. "WHATEVER WILL WE DO?!" McGonagall screamed. "WAIT! WE'RE SAVED!" Remus exclaimed, somehow turning back into his normal self. "Fling pink elephants on CRACK!" Sprout yelled, Remus blinked at her. "No... FLYING YELLOW PANCAKES FROM MARS!" He exclaimed, pointing at the sky. "NO!! I MUST WARN MY WAFFLES!" Voldemort exclaimed, running off. "...Wow... pancakes!" Draco said, grabbing one out of the sky and eating it. "YOU KILLED IT!" Remus sobbed. "HE STOLE MY WAFFLES!" Snape pouted, kicking Malfoy for eating an innocent pancake. But soon all the muggles were yanking the pancakes out of the air, and one by one they all got eaten. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Remus sobbed, picking up the crumbs of one. "IT'S HORRIBLE!" McGonagall cried. "WE'RE ALL DOOOOOOOOOOOMED!" Dumbledore exclaimed.   
GET OFF OF MY CLOUD!   
Meanwhile the evil army of waffles were marching to Hogwarts, but Ron, Harry and Hermione had no idea. Because they were all sitting in the common room doing homework. Suddenly, Hermione ripped hers up. Ron and Harry gasped. "HORRIBLE!!" Hermione sobbed. "Wha?" Harry asked. "MY HOMEWORK WAS REALLY AN EVIL WAFFLE IN DISGUISE!" Hermione sobbed. "YOU KILLED A WAFFLE, HERM?!" Ron demanded angrily. Just then, waffles flew through the window and attacked Harry, Hermione and Ron. "AH! WE'RE DOOMED!" Harry cried. "WE'RE NO MATCH FOR THE EVIL WAFFLES!" Ron screamed. "THE WAFFLES ARE HERE!" Hermione sobbed. FIZZ! Just then, Ginny arrived. "TOASTERIUS!" She cried, pointing at the waffles, they were all toasted to a nice golden brown, and syrup poured over them. Snape ran in and started eating them. Harry, Hermione and Ron joined in. And so Ginny saved the day. Then Voldemort threw a toaster through the window. "OMG! A TOASTER!" Harry exclaimed. "I LOVE YOU TOASTER!!! LET'S GET MARRIED!" So Harry got married to a toaster, and everyone lived happily ever-after. Except Voldemort, who was so taken aback by his loss that he flung himself out of a window that was a whole two inches off the ground and died. 

THE END.   
  
  


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Verie: .. I dunno... *I* thought it was funny! I figured it'd be good for someone to MST or something. R/R please! I own zip, btw. As if you didn't know that.   


  
  



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